Roe Returns Home to be a Carpenter (Tag Mira)

[mira]

Was he complimenting her. She looked over at him but he was giving nothing away. What did he mean she had born the right gender, was he, after all these years, now finding her attractive. She gave a small smile and thought how ironic that would be. . . for now she was not capable of giving it back, yet that he had said it made he heart beat a little faster for some reason.

He began to talk of his parents and she felt sad that he had never known them. While she had never known her mother at least she had had a father for 17 years. “So you were born into money” she said, her eyes never once leaving his face. “Funny how the mighty fall quickly is it not” she said softly then brightened up with a smile. "Two of kind we are my friend, I too was born into money, but also work" Though she doubted many would call him my Lord as they called her My Lady, for she still the money her unknown grandmother had given her father and as she still she lived in the house she was entitled to it.

She did not dwell on it and got up to tend to the stew and check the pie while he continued his story. She listened intently and only turned when he mentioned the 30 lashes. “You are joshing me, surely not 30 for something so little. Why did you not tell the truth, I am sure he would not have struck the boy but 30 lashes seems harsh under the old sheriff.” She did not like the sound of this Earl who could be so cruel, yet Robert seemed to think it was a proper punishment. She shook her head, surely she would never understand the way a man thought.

She knew about his days at Dan’s place though for that had been when she had first seen him. That he had to bring it up darkened her mood and old feelings she had not felt for a long time, started creeping back in. Trying not to let him know, she grabbed an old rag and carefully took the hot stew off, where she scooped a few ladles into two bowls. Bringing them back she saw that Robert too seemed to be lost in memories. Without even thinking she placed the two bowls on the table and laid a hand on his shoulder.

“My father used to say it did not good to relive the past when it is the future we need be concerned for. No good comes of it he would say, yet I would often find him sitting with that same look” . Mira almost whispered the words, as if by chance she said them too loud she might break him. But she knew she could not help, so with a sigh, stepped back and sat down. “You must have loved her very much. I am sorry for your loss” she simply said then picked up her spoon to start eating.

“Come eat before it gets cold” handing him a spoon. “ I could not find anything else, perhaps if you wish I will find knives and forks for you in Nottingham tomorrow, unless you wish to quickly go out and fashion some wooden ones with those skills of yours" she laughed trying to break the darkness that had descended upon him. That it had affected her hearing him talk of Ellie, she tried not to show it and she tried to squash them. She could not afford to enter a relationship, not now, she simply did not deserve it.

Time to change the subject, she thought . “Dan used to make toys for the children” she said tucking into the bowl of stew. It was quite good considering and she knew it was more than most in the village would be eating tonight. “They used to very popular, perhaps in the coming week you could fashion some up and I could take them to market next week. I am sure we could get a good price for them”

Hopefully talk of his trade would take his mind of this Ellie that had torn her heart out all those years ago. As a little girl she had thought Ellie beautiful, but from what she could remember now, in reality she had been just a plain peasant girl. Mira knew she was beautiful, but it was anything she played on, like many of the Nobles. Words were her foray and her looks only came second. She wondered if things had been different and Robert had stayed till she grew up, if he might have been interested. She gave her head a shake, why was she thinking of such things, it never came to any good. She scooped up bit more stew, took a swig of the ale and looked up at the array of Weapons he had on the wall.

“Tell me about that Saracen Bow, I have only ever known one before to own such a thing and that is Robin himself, how did you come by this one?” she asked as her eyes fell on his face again “Oh and that reminds me, I need a new one, in fact I thought I might be your first customer but that was not to be.” She gave a small laugh “anyway I gave mine to young Matthew Henty just this afternoon so I need a new one, do you think you could build me one like that?” and she pointed to his on the wall.

[Robert Williams]

He laughed from his chair, “Apparently not much, since my father was so deep in debt that not even his lands could cover them. I have always felt that it was better for a man to earn his keep than to have his existence supported by the toil of others. Although it was true that I began as a noble I was trained to earn my living. In some ways I think it lets us better appreciate those around us, the lives that we lead, and the natural world that we live in. If I had been born a high and mighty noble I doubt whether I would appreciate Sherwood Forest and the woodcraft I trained in as a youngster. I know it probably sounds strange, but it is one of t he many things I believe.

Roe nodded his head back and forth. “Being a lord of a place like Locksley is a world unto itself. The Earl had no idea that it was a young boy who did the deed. It could have been an adult. If he had let one slide by with the theft, it may have only encouraged others to do similar, or even more lawless acts. And for a punishment to be meaningful it must be consistent. By the way, “I am quite sure that the earl had figured everything out, who had committed the theft, and that I was taking the blame. He seemed to give me more respect after that day, not less. I knew that that a punishment had to be levied, and he knew that I would not let any harm befall the lad. But it was painful, I will grant you that. Plus it taught both the lad and I, valuable lessons about responsibility, and its consequences.

Roe was thinking about his long-lost love quite intently, but suddenly he was quickly taken back to the present by the touch of a hand to his shoulder. He had not been touched by a woman in any way in years. This touch did not send his heart racing, but it did quicken his pulse. She was quite pretty and only 4 years his junior. He wondered if he was drawn to her simply because he had gone without female companionship for so many years, or was he r presence and simple touch enough to pull at his heartstrings. He raised his eyes to look into hers for an answer, but she seemed to be purposely looking away.

“Your father was a wise man it appears. It is best not to just live on dreams or events in the past, unless someone or something gives us a justifiable reason to look back. Even if we know better, we seem to always feel that attraction and desire to look back or to want t o experience as a past event al over again. I think we believe that we can make it turn out better the second time around.”

“Yes …. I think of them often …. Her and the boy … but they are other long gone …. Long gone from Locksley years ago …. And just as likely that they are dead as they are living, wherever they might have gone. I gave up on my life here years ago, and most of the people that inhabited it. In many ways I died when I was 17 and became an entirely different person. Your sympathies are well appreciated, bit that Robert was a much different person than I am now, and in many ways only a memory. However, I do hope that the way that you feel about me, or will, is based on more than simple sympathy,” he smiled. “Yes,” he said, “I would not want any of your beautiful efforts to have gone to waste. I think that I can fashion some good utensils very quickly. Thanks for the suggestion …. It didn’t really occur to me. I did used to make quite a few wooden carvings for Will and Luke when they were quite young. It was good practice for me. It might turn out to be a good source of income.” He appreciated the fact that she was trying to change the subject that would only serve to drag down his mood. And he still wondered whether she still had any feelings for him, and what would be the best way to inquire about the way she felt about him. He had grown to understand that she was at least somewhat “cold” when it came to the subject of men. He wondered why he would be any different when it came to her views, he shrugged.

“Yes, I thought those had gotten your interest,” he laughed. I acquired my first in Iberia. They are more aptly described as a re-curved bow. The curvature is attained through the use of a variety of wood as well as a variety of glues to hold the pieces in their re-curved shape. These weapons have a longer life expectancy in the dry regions of the Mediterranean and the Holy Land. Here, in the moister realms of Britain the glues break down more quickly. I would say that Robs acquired his in the Holy Land after seeing them in action, much as I did in Iberia. I would be more than happy to construct a set of them for you, if you think that you can find a use for them. When would you want them by?” It was now or never, Roe swore to himself. “Here, let me show you.” He reached over and took the bow off the wall and set it in front of Mira. He then positioned himself in back of Mira, as she sat at the table and reached around her neck with his right arm to point out some of its features. He upper portions of his shirt were not yet retied, and has he reached around her, his body touched her shoulder and neck, and they were cheek to cheek. He suddenly turned and gave her a light kiss on her cheek. “Thank you for the welcome that you have given me tonight, and I hope that you do not think me too forward, and that you forgive me for purposely ignoring you those many years ago. I understand if you don’t have the same feelings for me as I have quickly developed for you, but you are so beautiful and lovely, and have been so welcoming and understanding toward me, that I can’t help but take the chance that you might feel the same towards me.” And he gently turned her face towards his and gave her a long and deep kiss, wondering what her response would be.

[mira]

Mira smiled “I guess you are right, we need to appreciate all that is around us, I guess I was lucky in a way that while we had money that the village already had a Earl that ruled as you know so we simply just abided by the law and bothered no one much. But also it gave Father plenty opportunity to teach me many things, for that I will eternally grateful.” She understood him than more than he realised for that always been her Fathers wishes she learned to live with the land.

She had nearly finished the stew and he was yet to start. She hoped it was not her cooking that had put him off, for truly it was quite delicious considering she had not had much to work with. She thought him quite brave to have taken the punishment for the boy. She knew what he meant, why even Marian had been humiliated that time by having her hair cut off. Lord or Peasant, you got caught you took the punishment. She was lucky she had not yet been caught, although she had come close once. That had scared her enough that she had not touched a sheriffs man in over a year now, but she thought it was high time she got over that. They were no better than the rogues she brought in.

The boy . . had he said the boy and she cast her mind back. Of course, the last time she had seen Ellie had been on the day they had left. That had been about one full moon after Robert had left. Of course, Mira remembered she had had a baby, but she thought . . and she almost slapped her head at the innocence she had truly been back then. Of course the baby would have been his, how hard that must have been and she wondered why he had never married her. He talked of leaving that life and she listened intently “But surely you have not changed that much, for you had, you would never have come back.” she said with concern in her husky voice. “If you have changed so much then this place can never be home” And she had thought she was a person of contradictions. This man was trying to outstrip her and she leaned over to place her hand on his knee. “I would hate to think you changed that much” she whispered for the words that followed made her giddy.

Was she hearing correctly . . was he once again paying her compliments. No, it could not be, he was simply grateful for the welcome, nothing more.

She was glad he had taken her suggestion of making toys for the market. If he was half as clever as Old Dan used to be, he would not have a problem selling anything. Not for the first time did she think that having another trade in the village was a bad thing, in fact it could only do them good. “Just be sure to tell the Sheriff you only make half of what you really do, otherwise the tax would be so great he would put you out of business in a month.”

They finished their stew and she could smell the apple pie as it cooked. Another 10 minutes and it would be done and the talk turned to his Saracen Bow. She had never known how they made but he explained in simple terms. It sounded easy enough but she knew quite often things were never that easy “Perhaps you could make bows as well, ever since Luke left, we have not had a bow maker in the village” she told him as he reached behind her to get it down.

She thought nothing of it as he positioned himself behind her to show her. He put both arms around her to point out the features and she shivered at his touch. No man had ever touched her like that except her Father but his had always been in a fatherly way. But this was different and she closed her eyes to savour it. That a man could do this after the brutality of what she had been through was truly amazing and she wondered if perhaps what she had felt for him as a child had gone away at all. Had she not dreamed of this for years. 4 years to be exact, the dreams had stopped the day they had killed her father and taken her innocence.

She could feel his breath on her cheek, it was soft and warm and caressed her skin like the wisp of an evening breeze. Her breathing shallowed and then without warning he kissed her cheek and she half turned in surprise. His words made no sense, what did he mean. How could he be sorry for ignoring her, and how could he develop feelings so quick. She was about to pull away and tell him so when he took his hand and placed it under her chin to turn her around and before she knew what was happening, he had planted a kiss, not just a kiss, but a long and deep kiss right on her lips.

For a moment she was stunned to do anything, then she gathered her thoughts and pulled away, shoving him backwards and standing up in such a hurry the Saracen Bow clattered to the ground. She stood there looking at him, unsure of what she should say, or even what might happen next. The smell of the apple pie assailed her nose and she looked over, ready for any excuse. “The pie will burn” she simply said and went over to take it off the heat.

Not that she was mad or anything, more confused about what had just happened. What she would not have given 10 years ago to have this . . so much had changed, yet it was if time had stood still for that moment. She had never been kissed like that before and she found she had quite liked it. But she busied herself with the pie talking as if to convince herself it had meant nothing.

“We should not waste the food when so many go hungry, it would be an insult to them” she said softly as she cut the pie and heaped it onto clean plates. What was going through his mind, what had prompted him to do it, had she in some way led him to think it was all right. She had just been extending a welcome home to war hero, nothing more. . or so she told herself.

Mira turned and placed the two plates on the table. She pulled her chair away and bent to pick up his bow “Sorry about that” she said handing it back to him, “just that you took me by surprise” Grabbing her plate and the utensil that she would eat it with (hehe), Mira sat down and began to eat, yet she kept her eyes on him the whole time.

She ate in silence for a bit, watching closely for any sign “Why” she simply asked once she was half way through her pie. “Did you take pity on me knowing I once liked you, or is it more the fact you have not had female company for so long” Mira closed her eyes and gave a soft sigh, what she was about to say was not easy but she had to try. “You say you have changed, well so have I . . .I would have given anything once to have you notice me, but I am no longer that girl. I too have changed and who I am is not who you see here. You know nothing about me, nor my life here in Loxley. Looks can be deceiving Robert and truly I would not be a good choice for a relationship”

[Robert Williams]

You are fortunate that your father was both willing and able to teach you, as well as having, the opportunity while he lived. Many of us, although we did have fathers, were not accorded the same opportunity. I don’t know about girls, but often can be rough for boys when they are deprived of the example and learning only a father can provide.

He was still deep in thought, only slowly realizing that she had almost finished her stew, while he had yet to start his. When he did a lot of thinking, he often blocked everything out, including food. He began eating, hoping that she did not think that he didn’t like what she had prepared. He didn’t want to hurt her feelings in any way. “This is quite good he remarked, much better than anything I could have done.” He moved quickly from one blunder to another. From his sin of omission about the food he had not only let slip a comment about Ellie, but he had let a reference to the boy slip as well. How could he have been so stupid? He could already see the questions rising in her eyes. Slowly he put down his spoon and said, “I can tell by the look your face that you have several questions. Some are answerable and some are not,” he said quite matter-of-factly.

“Yes, the boy was the result of relations between Ellie and myself. I chose to do the honorable thing and ask to marry Ellie. She readily agreed … I then asked her father … and he was happy to agree as well. My guardian, the Earl, however, was a different story. Myself, being the son of a baron, he still considered me to be in many ways a noble, and she was not. He thought that such a marriage would be one outside of my class, and he forbid it. In fact, he made some accusations that she had entrapped me into it. I had a vicious verbal argument with the Earl …. creating a rift that could not be easily healed. He demanded that I cast her off. I waited until the boy was born healthy, and had attained the knowledge that she would marry a willing yeoman.

I could not bear to stay in the same place as them …. being so close and yet so far …. and then I left for a new life in Europe never really planning to return. I hated leaving my friends and people I knew, like Robs, but I saw no other choice. I heard sometime later that they had died in a pestilence sometime after leaving Locksley.” That was a lie …. He didn’t know if they were dead or not …. But in his mind they were as good as dead since he had no way to track them down. “Oh yes, I believe that I have changed considerably. I am no longer the optimistic and naïve boy of 17 I was. I am also no longer the ruthless and blood-spilling Crusader of a few years ago. I would like to the think that I have matured a bit, accepted a new role and perspective on life, while still holding on to some of the impulses of a young boy. Besides, I was curious about what happened to the shire, both the good and the bad.”

“I think for any Crusader it is difficult to ever go home again. Things are never the same or exactly what you expect them to be. And then the lonely crusader is welcomed home by a beautiful vision and he begins to hope again, even when those hopes may not have a good basis in reality. However, he thinks that he must take the chance …. since it may never offer itself again.” After listening to her advice about toy-making and reporting income to the Sheriff and the taxman he said, “I greatly appreciate the advice and it sounds quite reasonable and logical.”

He appreciated her observations about the need for a good bowmaker. He thought it was well within his skills to provide, even though it ould be a dangerous occupation to get into. He had decided that the best way to show the attributes of the recurved bow was to show and point out some of its characteristics and tell a few of the ways that it was made, and what made it a difficult weapon to maintain in a moist climate like Britain. Quickly, however, the close proximity of their bodies, overcame any of his natural inhibitions, first with a light kiss and then with a much deeper one. He could tell that she enjoyed the experience, but he quickly felt her rejection as well. She changed the subject as quickly as she could. He was not sure if it was caused by her confusion or a desire to not insult him.

Her attention quickly turned to the pie that was cooking and then to the eating of the it. It was obvious that she was uncomfortable with the whole direction of things and that he had made a grave error. “You have nothing to apologize for,” he said simply. The error is all mine. You were just trying to make a former villager feel welcome after years away from home. I abused that welcome and took improper advantage of your hospitality. I am very sorry. It will not happen again. I had forgotten how unfit I am for the sort of relationship that a young woman would look for. I would understand if you would never want to set foot in here again. ….. You are quite right I suppose … we really are like strangers to one another now …. Very different from what we were when I left those years ago. It would be nice if we could be friends though ….. at least from a distance is how you would want it. I would be happy to do any carpentry or bow work that you would suggest … just give me the specifications. I would just like you to forget what just happened. I will behave myself in the future. I’m afraid that my experiences have made me into, in many ways, ‘damaged goods’. It is to my detriment that we were never able to know one another better those many years ago, and I trust that one day you will find a partner who will be what you are looking for, and is deserving of you.”

[mira]

Mira gave a soft sigh. Men were simple folk sometimes and never saw past themselves, something she had learned growing up with just a Father. Yet it was the way they were and she could not hold it against them. They were after just men and as men they always thought it was always about themselves. She had said nothing about him being unfit for a woman, indeed she thought quite the opposite and knew what a great catch he be for any girl. No . . she had told him she was the one unfit for such a thing.

She cast her mind back to the things he had said . . before the kiss. . what had said or done that inspired him to say more of his love and the boy they had created. Did he think she truly needed to hear of such things. For the life of her she could not think of anything she had said to give an indication that she did, perhaps it had been when she touched his knee and told him perhaps had not changed that much, for truly it was all she could think of. That he should tell her, then kiss her like that. Had he thinking of her when he had done it . . that was the burning question.

Yet the kiss had not been undesirable or she thought even unwanted by her. She had dreamed of such things for many years, had she not just told him that . . yet he seemed to think it had been he who had been at fault. She placed her half eaten pie on the table and looked over at him.

“Oh Robert” she said so very soft that for once the huskiness in her voice was not obvious. She was still trying to work out what the last jumbled sentences were that he said, for he had roamed from one thing to another and it had taken her time to understand what it was he was saying. She got up and went over to kneel down by his side and once again she placed her hand on the top of his leg. “They say people always remember their first love” . . it was almost a whisper and not once did her eyes leave his face. He was not the boy she had known, that was true, yet he was everything she could expected from the man he had grown into. In a lot of ways, he reminded her of her father, that soft and caring side that had seen so much of the horrors of war.

“I hated once that you loved her and never saw me, but please Robert, I was but a child, I do not blame you nor should you see it as a default now. It was a long time ago and maybe you have changed, that I do not know, nor will I ever for I did not know you back then.” She searched his face wondering what was going through his mind. “What I just told you, I would say to any man. I am not suitable for such a relationship, there are things I have been through that have damaged me and I am scared I may never love a man the way he deserves.”

She wanted to tell him of the things that had happened when she was nearly 17 . . she wanted to tell him of the men she had taken in for bounty . . the two men she had killed . .

But it was not to be this night. . .

Mira took her hand of his knee and placed it over his hand “Please Robert, can we just be friends for now and see what happens” For Mira wanted them to be friends and maybe . . just maybe this was the man that could get her over her fears.

[Robert Williams]

Roe realized that he had made a big error, even though she had apparently enjoyed their brief interaction. She had seemed to return the kiss, just not fully. He thought it was probably just an instinctive reaction until the shock of it had taken over. He suddenly figured out that it wasn’t just shock, but confusion. How stupid of him! It was done too fast, too impulsively, and he had messed everything up … so completely. He now understood that his best course was simply to sit there and take whatever she was going to dish out in response.

Obviously she was not the same person that the 14-year-old had been and that he was not the 17 year-old that had left either. Whatever chance and opportunity they had had passed them years ago. She had clearly moved on from her crush, and he had become a soldier, and now he was changing into something else. Maybe she could be a friend, or more likely, a friendly acquaintance, but nothing more. He had suddenly realized that his opportunity for the relationship had passed years before with another woman, not Mira, and that neither she, nor any other woman would be a proper substitute.

Roe refused to meet her gaze. “My first love is dead and gone. I know now that there can never be a substitute for it. Times change, people change, even Locksley changes. This is one of many reasons why they say you can never go home. You can never go back and make the past re-play itself. Its never what you want it to be. I should have gone some other place to ply the carpenter trade. Locksley was so familiar though, and therefore so comfortable and enticing a place. It was obviously, though, just a place for me to visit. However, I will just have to make the best of it now."

"You have made it clear where you stand from your perspective. As far as I’m concerned, let’s just act as if the kiss never happened. Now …. If you do want me as a friend I will be happy just to be that. Despite what you have said, I expect that you will find someone someday who will be right for you, and they will be deserving of you. At this point … I am not worthy … not of just you but of anyone …. right now ….. perhaps that will change after awhile. For now and for some time to come I will just be ….. the carpenter. By the way, if you wish, you may have the bow. I don’t have an immediate need for one, and I can always construct more. Just look at it as a return gift for the thoughtful welcome that you have given me.” Looking down, trying to avoid looking directly at her he began to silently and slowly to eat the remnant of his apple pie.

[mira]

Mira was starting to get angry. She had poured her heart out to him and now he refused to meet her gaze or even acknowledge she had such feelings. Why were men so single minded and she pulled back her hand so suddenly it caused her to lose balance and she fell back onto her backside. She made no move to get up and sat there in the dust glaring up at him.

“Substitute” she said in utter astonishment, “is that what all this was about, Are you merely just looking for a substitute” Her voice had risen a bit, the anger of being rejected yet again, sinking in “You will never find love if that is the way you think. Is that why you kissed me, was you thinking of her, comparing to see if I would live up to the pedestal you have obviously put her on.” Mira had not moved, she simply sat there in the dirt of his floor glaring up at him. “You are so blind Robert Williams to live so much in the past when there is a future just waiting to be written.”

But he was not listening, or so it seemed as his mechanical voice told her she could have the bow . . as payment and for some reason it made her even angrier. She got to her knees and reached out to where fallen just after he had kissed her. It was a beautiful piece of craftsmanship and if she had been in a better mood she may have just taken it. As it was, she took it and smashed it on the floor, where is splinted into many bits. She turned to face him again, the end bit still in her hand “That’s what I think of your gratitude” she told him and threw the last bit at him. The last thing she needed or even wanted was his gratitude.

She got her to feet (quite unladylike I must add) “I think it is time I left and more fool I for even thinking you wanted or needed a welcome home. Lose yourself if your pain if you must but do not push away friendship when it is offered, there is too much pain and suffering in this village as it is.” She gave him one last look and made her way through the back door where she stopped for moment as she looked back at him “If you can’t reuse the food, at least have the decency to give to someone who can use it” she told him then exited, slamming the door behind her.

She stood there, taking huge breaths of air. That had not gone well. As soon as she said she had once loved him he had shut himself up tighter than a clam. How could she ever have thought she could compete with a woman he had once loves, a woman that had given him a child. Even if they were dead, it seemed not to make a difference. A tear slid down her cheek, was she deemed to live this life not knowing what love truly was. It seemed so and she slowly made her way down the back steps and around the house.

But as she hit the lane she realised she had left her basket inside, the basket with Mrs Henty’s lovely embroidery in it, that she needed for market tomorrow. Mira closed her eyes and sat down upon a patch of grass at the front of Roberts house, where she looked up at the moon that hung low in the night sky. Sky watching always calmed her, a place where she could sit and clear her mind and hopefully gain the answers to the questions she asked. But she already knew the answer to this one. She was not destined for a happy life . .

[Robert Williams]

Several moments after Mira had stormed out, Roe looked down and realized that she had left without her basket. He realized that after blowing up she might have stopped not too far from the house. He sighed deeply and walked outside to see if she was there. At first he didn’t see her and then he saw a figure sitting on the grass a short distance away. He walked slowly up to her, realizing that she could suddenly strike out at him with a dagger or some other lethal instrument. “I believe, in your understandable haste, that you forgot this, and I assumed that you didn’t want to come back in to retrieve it.” He set the basket on the ground between Mira and his feet, before sitting down on the grass himself.

These were the kind of nights I enjoyed when we were out in the field, after we were out fighting during the day. They were so tranquil that they provided us peace, at least for a short time. Listen Mira, we have to talk … or at least I do. I don’t want the night to end on this kind of note. If we let it end this way we might never speak to one another again. I am extremely poor at expressing myself, my emotions, my feelings, verbally. When I was a young man of 17 I was prepared to be a father and a husband. When my ability to make that decision was ripped from me, it changed me, in many ways it destroyed the person that I was. When I left I became a much colder, harder, and ruthless individual, well able to kill and to send other men to their deaths. I swore when I left Britain I would never ever allow someone, especially a woman, get as close to me or mean as much to me as she did. I cut myself off from those types of feelings and I never was with a woman again. It allowed me to maintain and sustain an inner rage that was very useful on the battlefield. When I came back to the shire I had no desire to even stay here any period of time. I was only here for a visit. Then I found the abandoned carpentry shop and I thought that I could give back to the people of the village. And then I saw you. When I saw you some feelings that I had not experienced since I was a teenager were awakened. It would have been better for you not to have decided to welcome me. It was not your fault. But it was the small piece of encouragement that I needed. Now, it is true that I care about you and for you. I think that I love you, but I don’t know if its real yet because I have been exposed to you for such a short period of time. However, I have no notion of whether you feel anything like that for me, other than the fact that you don’t feel that you are the proper female for a good relationship with a man because of your personal history. I’m similar … I don’t have any idea whether I could be a good husband, given my past history."

"I never meant that you were serving as a substitute for anything in my life. You couldn’t sub for anything or anyone …. you are your own person. I was afraid that was what I would try and turn you into, and that’s not something that you deserve. You are worthy of so much more. And you are right. Maybe I won’t ever find love, or maybe I’m not really worthy of it. Perhaps after all of the death and destruction I have experienced I may not have the capability to love. I don’t know … only time will tell. I know several things. One is that I was kissing you, and only you, not someone who is probably dead and buried. Yes, I have memories of her, but I don’t re-live memories of her through others. As a soldier you learn quickly not to live in the past, for that is the quickest way to die the next day. It is not that I live in the past so much as, knowing myself as I do, trusting in a future that I gave up on years ago. The only reason to live for the future would be the object of that love. The other thing is that I should not have pressed, I should not have forced myself on you, and that only comes with a mutual understanding, which takes patience. Unfortunately, I didn’t have that patience, and that disrespected you, which may or may not be forgivable.

I am sorry that you did not want to accept the bow as a gift and felt the need to destroy it, because you felt that it was some compensation or payment for services rendered. It was just meant as a gift of thanks. However, it is just a material object, and as such can be replaced, and is not an important thing. Feeling and respect and love, those are important things. I believe I have shortchanged you with respect to those, and I am sorry that I was not sensitive enough to appreciate or understand that. That’s my fault. However, if you still want to extend friendship to me I am happy to accept it. I understand that it may not be possible for it ever to extend or grow beyond that into something more. That will be dependent on the both of us, and what we are able to forgive, to understand, and to accept in the other. We both have a considerable amount of personal pain to overcome. Even though I can understand why it would be difficult for you to even off me friendship ….. understand that I will always be willing to be your friend and more. Now, there is much food still in the kitchen, and since you have more knowledge of who needs it than I, I invite you to take it home with you. Of course I will help you tote if you need or want the help. Just understand, whatever you may think of me, you will always be welcome here, as know you must be welcome in the rest of Locksley. Just understand that I have strong feelings of affection for you, even if you feel unable to reciprocate them. In that case, I would always treasure your friendship. Well …. Like I said … I’m not real effective at talking about this stuff or communicating in general. I just hope that you have a clearer idea of how I feel. You are welcome to come back in and get the surplus food, or stay on the lawn here as long as you desire. I think I’ll go back in and get the place cleaned up a bit now.” He quickly scrambled to his feet. “May God always be with you, Miss Mira Morgan,” as he nodded respectfully and turned to go back inside.

[mira]

Mira sat looking at the skies, the stars told her much and she prayed to gods unknown In the English counties. Gods her father had told her about as he strived to fulfill her mother’s dying wish. Mira knew so much from the stories her father would tell her, much more than most people realised for it was something she never showed to people. If only she had been born a man she would have risen to power many years before . .as a woman she was forced to hide it . . that and her true identity. One reason she had wanted to hear so much of the Holy Land was she sure her Mother had come from such a place. She felt it in her bones, in her spirit, in her soul, yet she had no proof. That she would travel there one day was but a dream.

He came out and she felt him standing there long before he spoke and not once did her eyes fall from the sky. Was she really that interested in what he had to say. She had thought he had already said it but seems she was wrong as he placed the basket between them and sat down. She breathed smooth and even, his mere presence setting her heart beating wildly , yet she said not a word . .nor she did look his way when he began to speak.

And speak he did, for a good 10 minutes and still not a word she had uttered, nor once in those 10 minutes did she look at him. Words . . she thought. . . just words . . Words were easier, it was actions that spoke louder. Like the kiss . . the kiss that he said had been for her . .

He talked of things he did not know about . . of pain . . her pain . . but he did not know what had taken out her heart for so long, only to have him reawaken it. Yet why had she stopped, to extend a friendly welcome . . no more surely, why at that time she had not realised who he was. It had simply been her inquisitive nature and the hope that a trade was coming back to Loxley. And his tales of the Holy Land had filled her with a feeling that she knew this place, even though she knew she had never been there.

She listened to his words, not once interrupting and as we already spoke off, not once looking at him. Did actions speak louder . . words were powerful sometimes and these words were spoken with such a softness, she wondered if he truly believed half he said . . or was he merely trying to convince himself he did not need such things anymore . . . was his head talking instead of his heart . . .

Yet he talked of the mundane as well as the war and the heart as if it was all the same and she wanted to turn around and scream at him that is was not. He had put war behind him, just as he had once put love behind him . . it was time he learned that. There was no going back but that did not mean he could not go forward and with the love of the right woman he was bound to overcome the fears that were holding him back. Whether that was her or not she did not know . .

“Come sit with me Robert” she said simply, her voice cutting through the stillness of the night like a knife through butter. She had not turned to speak these words, her eyes still scanned the skies. “My father used to tell me tales of the night skies. He said they could show a man the right direction just like the sun can tell us what time of day it is” She fell silent for a moment as she gazed up at them “My father was a very knowledgeable man, he travelled far and visited many countries. He learned of many cultures and it was in these places he met my mother. I do not know much about her other than her name was Miralee and that she died so I might live”

Mira did not realise that a tear was once again falling down her cheek, a single tear for a mother she never knew. “My father told me many stories but he always refused to tell me who she really was. For that I have never quite forgiven him but I miss him Robert. I miss him so very much.” She turned to look up at him . . tonight he would see the pain she felt, he would hear the pain she had suffered. “Please . . sit Robert . . . I want to tell you a story”

[Robert Williams]

Roe just sat there when he had finished talking. He was not sure if she had heard anything of what he had said. About the only things that he had not said is the nightmares that he still had of the faces that re-appeared in his dreams. That included the hundreds that he had injured or killed directly and the thousands of deaths that he had played a role in, both men he had ordered to their deaths or those who had died because of the instruments of war that he had built. Those faces were much of the reason that he resisted picking up the sword or the bow again, even in self-defense. He knew that in many ways when he had left for Europe and the Holy Land he had hoped for his own death. It was one of the reasons he had always been in the thick of the action in battle and had often acted so fearlessly. It was how he had been promoted and awarded a knighthood. They had thought that he had been brave, but he was merely trying to be as reckless as possible.

If she had not been really listening to him and what he had to say, it was just as he deserved since he had not really taken the time to listen to her. He had always prided himself on being a good listener. He generally was, but not when it dealt with feelings or emotions. He had felt, since he had lost Ellie, that those types of things needed to be put up on a shelf out of reach. Now, though, was trying to listen, that is, if she ever chose to speak to him again. She did not interrupt or speak to him, even at the end of his words, so he f thought that this might not be the right time or the right place. So, he rose and prepared to leave the grassy lawn to her.

She asked him to come and sit with her, not with a lot of anger in her voice, but calmly. He stopped his motion toward the house, moved slowly back to her side and sat down on the grassy lawn once more. She started talking about things that he knew were quite personal to her, things about her father and the stories that he would tell, and her mother. He thought that these were not things she would let the average person in on, so he tried to take it all in and absorb it, because it was obviously important to her, and as a friend it should be important to him as well, and it was. After she had spoken of her mother he saw the tear drain down her face. However, he knew that she didn’t want to be comforted yet or interrupted. He waited with rapt attention to hear the important story that she wanted to enlighten him with, and he wanted her to know and realize, from his expression that it was something he wanted to hear as well. He nodded his head and said, “Please, go ahead Mira, you have my full attention … if you think its something I should know then, that will give me a better understanding, I will do my best to listen and not just hear.”[/i]

[mira]

Mira did not speak for the longest time after he had sat again. It was enough that he had come back and she was afraid that once she started talking he would see her differently and get up and walk away. She had never told anyone these things before, why she had chosen him . . this moment . . was a mystery. Perhaps it was she wanted to know what it would be like to have this man love her. . Perhaps it was he reminded her so much of her father . . maybe it was combination . . She reached out to take his hand and she held it tight, as if his strength would help her find the words she needed to say.

“Once upon a time” she started and just the smallest of smiles etched upon her face “lived a little girl and her father” Mira looked back up at the skies, yet she held tight to his hand. “The mother had died in childbirth and all they had left of her was an old drawing. The little girl used to dream of places far away for her father told her many wonderful stories and taught her many wonderful skills, even at a young age she knew the English did not have”

Mira’s voice was very soft, her words travelling serenely in the night, yet if anyone had been walking past they would not have heard. “She grew up in the best of worlds, this little girl, she had everything and never wanted . . but one day . . And Mira’s voice darkened just a little and she paused as if letting him know the story was about to change.

“One day about 4 years after her love had gone and just before her 17th birthday, men came from the woods and terrorized the village they lived in. The Earl had been away with his family that weekend and I guess that’s why they attacked. They tore through the village and took what they good, and that included some of the women” . . . And her voice faltered off as another tear slowly made its way down her cheek.

Still she kept his hand tight in hers, squeezing so hard as the words tumbled out. How she had fought three of them off before they overtook her, the consequent rape and being tossed the dogs. She told him of crawling back in the next day to find her father dead and how she had buried him. Minutes crawled past and like she had sat and just listened to him, now he sat and listened to her. Her voice was motionless as she told him of the Sheriffs men that had done nothing to find the men that had done this to her. . that in time she had given up and gone out to seek them herself . . how she brought them in for the bounty . . how at first she had just thrown the money away but later realising how she could help the poor. Not by just giving them the money but helping them get their trades back.

And when she was done the tears were rolling down her cheek and it was only when she had told him the full story that she finally turned back to look at him. Who was she kidding, she had loved him all those years ago and looking at him now she realised she still did. “Hold me” she whispered through tear stained eyes “Please just hold me Robert”

[Robert Williams]

Roe waited patiently for Mira to begin the story. Although she had described it initially as just a story, he could tell by her expression that it was a personal one. She topped it off by reaching out and grabbing his hand as tightly as it had ever been gripped before. After several moments she began her tale. It was obviously about her and her father, and their close relationship. She wasn’t told much about her mother, but she learned many practical skills from her father. Outside of the loss of her mother at birth, it sounded like she had had a fairly happy childhood, enjoying a close relationship with her father.

She the began to tell the story of how her life had taken a sudden turn for the worst, her father dead, and how she had fought several of them off, before being overcome and raped. Both of his hands, including the one that she had gripped so tightly, balled up into hard fists. He clenched them so tightly that his fingernails cut into the palm of his hands. He felt a deep pit in his stomach form as she told of her being thrown to the dogs …. they hoped, undoubtedly, leading to her death. “Are any of these evil ones still around,” he asked, with a malevolent look in his eyes. As she continued with the story it became evident that she had launched into a successful start in a career as a bounty hunter by pursuing these men who had done here and her father so wrong. He smiled and nodded with grim satisfaction at the success of her quest to find at least some vengeance.

As she continued her story he could see how much it was taking out of her. His first thoughts were on the retribution that he would inflict on those who had violated the young Mira. He soon realized that this form of revenge would not solve anything. The damage had been done, and here the tears were flowing these many years later as she re-lived that horrible night. She had finally turned to look at him full-face in the eyes. Where before he had seen only a hard and angry woman, he now saw a vulnerable and hurt young lady, whose eyes were reaching out to him. Even if had not had feelings for her he could not have turned her away. But he knew that she did not want and would not accept pity. She wanted love and the comfort that went along with that. “Hold me” she whispered through tear stained eyes “Please just hold me Robert”.

He reached out to the young Mira, holding her in a full-body embrace with her head tucked under his chin with his right hand gently stroking her hair. After some minutes, he finally spoke. “I had no idea that something like that could have happened here. When you first told me the Crusader in me wanted to strike out at them, but I know that you have already dealt with them in your own way. It would have not solved anything anyway. I want you to know, though, that I will never abandon you, I will always be here for you. I believe what I feel for you is love, and it is a love that wants to protect and nurture you. I know now that you are well capable of protecting yourself and others. If you would want to take a chance on the care and love that I would like to provide you, I will open myself up for you. We both are in pain …. And I think that allows us to understand each other better … and gives us the opportunity and capability to take care of each other. For now though, its just enough for me to hold you against me, and for you to know that I’ll always be here for you, either as the best of friends or something more intimate. In the meantime, just rest your spirit here with me, my shoulders are broad enough to carry whatever troubles and worries that we face, as long as you desire me to carry them with you.”

[mira]

Mira let the tears flow for a bit, knowing how vulnerable she was right now, but his arms comforted her and when he stroked her hair, she wondered if perhaps she had knocked all those men back because of what had happened , or indeed was it more that she had been waiting for Robert to return. With his arms around her talking of a future that might just be viable, she thought it was possibly the later for she had always dreamed it but also thinking her dreams had been dashed the day they had taken her innocence.

She left her head against his chest, feeling his heart beat through his shirt. He spoke of retribution and she started at his words, jerking her head up a little to look into his eyes. “They were ordinary men like you” she said softly, “driven out to steal for food and money to feed their own families, that’s what surprised me so much, that half those that attacked had families of their own, yet that they could come and destroy our village and do they did was not human. I took them out one by one and you know I came so close to killing the first one”

Mira half turned, positioning herself so her back now lay into his chest, the stars twinkled high above and the moon now hung in the middle of the sky. “You know what stopped me Robert” she said turning her head back briefly to look at him “the fact that if I had I would have been no better than him. I could not do it, I could not kill, instead I took him to the Sheriff at the time and handed him over for the bounty. I could not even stay to see what happened to them, and left throwing the reward away for I felt like it was dirty money. I collected them one by one, but I soon realised the reward money could be put to use, and I started giving back to those that also suffered that night. But it was not enough just to give, they had to learn how to survive so instead of just giving, I started buying them tools and teaching them ways to fend for themselves”

Mira gave a huge sigh and reached back to grab both his hands which she pulled around her. She had bottled these feelings up for way too long, it was good to get them out and for the first time in a long time, Mira was free of the burden that had laid upon her for so long. “I didn’t stop with them though, I continued to track the thieves and rogues down and I was good at it thanks to the skills Father had taught me. But it all changed when the new Sheriff came. It was not safe anymore so I stopped, but I continued to help those in this village.”

She fell silent for a bit thinking about things and what she heard lately. The moon hung in the air above them sending down shadows. It soothed her and so did he. She took hold his hands around her and squeezed them tight. “There is a new band of thieves that roam the forest these days. They call themselves Green Sleeves and they are worse than the Sheriff for they take from their own. Not content to rob from the rich, these people attack the poor as well, not caring who they hit. The Sheriff does nothing to stop them, concentrating his efforts on Robin Hood, so they roam freely.”

Mira turned in his arms, not an easy task but she needed to look at him. And look at him she did staring into his deep eyes that had stolen her heart. She raised her hands to cup his bearded face “I have loved you for a long time Robert Williams and I am willing to chance it with you but know before you enter such a relationship, that I mean to go after these people.” And as she looked into his very soul she could not help herself . . raising herself just enough to pull him closer and softly kiss him.

[Robert Williams]

Roe knew that it was often good for the soul and spirit to let the tears flow. He knew that she was not crying over him or about him, but for all that she had forced herself to bottle up inside her for so long. He just continued to stroke her beautiful long hair hoping that it would sooth her eventually. “If you wish it, we can stay here all night. I know that once the tears start to flow it’s almost impossible to stop them and its best to just let it out when they come. I know that it kind of runs in opposition to the face that you often try to show, but sometimes you just have to let your true feelings out. It is good for the soul.”

It was hard for him to look at them as ordinary men. Robbing folks of their money and food to support their own families was one thing, but destroying the lives of people physically was unacceptable. “I’m afraid it’s just impossible for the anger and violent reaction not to boil up in me. I am pretty slow too anger, generally, but when its gets some momentum it can be a terrible thing to behold. It can often be a good thing in a fighter, but often isn’t preferable in an ordinary person. You should know that about ne straightway. I don’t deal with cowards, traitors, or abusers of women with much patience. You know … act now … ask questions later. I guess it’s a natural weakness to some, to violently and aggressively react to being provoked. It’s just the result of more than a decade of being a Crusader I guess.”

Roe shook his head. I don’t think that you stopping yourself was good or bad. I’m not equipped to make that judgment. On the battlefield it tends to be an eye for an eye. I don’t know if I would have been strong enough, morally, to hold back from killing them. I guess that you are just a person of strong character, Mira. You put the resources, financial ones, to where they would do the most good …. You should be congratulated. People like Allan would have taken the money and run. I know there are other gangs of outlaws out in Sherwood Forest, other than Robin Hood, who wouldn’t think twice at the opportunity to take somebody out and steal all of their money and goods, and leave them for dead, whether they be rich or poor wouldn’t matter.” He thought it also showed her foresight that she put the villagers in situations where they could fend and work for themselves. It was often important that they didn’t look at what was being done for them as simple charity. “I’m sorry that the new Sheriff has made you cut back on your worthwhile activities,” and he sighed as he leaned back a bit.

“Yes,” he said, “I’ve heard how the Sheriff and his minions can be a bit single-minded. What do you propose should be done about these rogues, especially since in some ways I might be considered a rogue as well,” he laughed. Mira turned in his arms, not an easy task but she needed to look at him. And look at him she did staring into his deep eyes that had stolen her heart. She raised her hands to cup his bearded face “I have loved you for a long time Robert Williams and I am willing to chance it with you but know before you enter such a relationship, that I mean to go after these people.” And as she looked into his very soul she could not help herself . . raising herself just enough to pull him closer and softly kiss him. Roe responded only tentatively by brushing her lips ever so lightly with his own in a return kiss. “Mira, you are so very tempting, but I must be as good a man and respectful as my heart will allow me. But it is difficult. We must talk a bit about this before you make me completely senseless,” he smiled. “If you are going up against these folks it is not for some personal vengeance is it? I don’t think it is, but I have to be sure. We would have to do it to protect the local community and villages. And yes I said we. I know you must be an accomplished fighter, but I would have to be daft to have you go up and against them alone. If you consider me to be your friend and comrade, I would expect that you would let me help. If not, I would expect to be given some good reasons why I shouldn’t,” as he held both of her hands in his with a quizzical look on his face.

[mira]

She liked listening to him, he had such a beautiful deep voice and even in anger she knew he had passion. And he had thought he had been not worthy of anyone. He spoke of vengeance and retribution and she realised just how much this war had touched him. That he could leave the war and still feel was more than most of them and she hoped he would never forget for the moment he did, she was sure he would stop caring.

Mira had never thought about what she did so much, it was just her, but listening to him say it made her look at it from some one else’s point of view. But she took as much as she gave, it was not just about giving. She got great happiness from helping them and had made many friends and was quite often grateful her father had brought her up the way he had. Having the money and a bit of respectability, rather than a title and all that land. A bit of both worlds but neither one completely, yet it had never bothered her. Mira was simply who she was and a saying her father had been fond of saying was

“To thy own self be true”

Which she always tried to adhere to.

The kiss was fleeting, yet it was enough, his words made her smile for she knew he felt the same. It made her wonder though that perhaps all his talks of Ellie and the child that perhaps even way back he had noticed her. He had said he had ignored her not wanting to encourage, yet did that mean even that then he had seen something in the young Mira that could now make him make such statements so quick. She wanted to ask but he told her he wanted to talk first.

“No, my personal revenge is long over” she said quietly, the huskiness still in her voice but quite diminished.. “Those that killed my father were dealt with justly under the old sheriff. Back then, the punishment was fair but I stopped for this new sheriff just hangs people and tortures them to get information. I could not send a simple thief to his death, it was not right. But these people are like the ones who killed my father" (preferring to say that then say anything about what they did to her) "they do not care who they hurt or steal from. They would take a beggars last penny just for the fun of it and it is not right, these people need to brought to justice”

She looked into his eyes and she saw the passion he had, the want he had to want to help her. That he could believe in the same things and want to help was truly a miracle and she raised her eyes to a God he would not know and thanked him for sending this man to her.

“You are more than a friend Robert but I accept you proposal. Two is always better than one and I have no doubts your skill with a bow will come in handy. I prefer the daggers myself but please Robert, we do not kill, if we catch them we bring them in for the bounty”

Mira smiled for truly this had been a great day when the Gods had smiled upon her. She let go of his hands and stood up, stretching her lean body skyward as she raised her arms. “Let’s go back inside, it’s getting a bit chilly out here and I sure that fire of yours need stoking. I have some tea leaves in a pouch I always carry so what say we go in and have a drink then maybe I could help you clean up a bit and we could discuss ways to get this business here back on it’s feet.” For Mira had a few ideas . .